Finding it difficult to get in any kind of volume at the moment. I really wish I had that 2005 feeling again where I couldn't wait to play but can't imagine ever being that motivated again. There's a lot of reasons for loss of motivation but one is that I sense I have somewhat reached the pinnacle of where I'm ever going to get in the game. I don't think I have the natural talent or aversion to variance to shoot for the really high stakes. Winning a big live tournament would be great, but I don't like live poker enough to trawl my way through the live circuit attempting to bink something. As a result, it's hard to see how my current poker game is ever going to be elevated above what it is at the moment, which is a mid to high stakes internet grinder. I'm grateful to be in this position because I'm making a lot of money relative to all the pro poker players in the world, and a lot more than the average person of my age in the jobber market. But it's still a bit depressing to think you have reached your 'end-game'.
I think a lot of the interest and passion for poker comes from that feeling that the game could take you anywhere. You see people who you can relate to achieve big things in the game and make a lot of money and you see no reason why this can't be you (basically the Moneymaker effect). Unfortunately I haven't necessarily reached those heights you dream about when you watch the WSOP re-runs or High Stakes Poker but still at one point I never thought I would play five figure pots or be making six figures a year. I suppose it's important to put things into perspective. I do still have a big passion for poker. I still watch/read/talk about it a lot because I enjoy it, rather than feeling I have to for some sort of education purposes. I certainly don't play purely for money...yet anyway.
I'm going to try and put in 10k hands this week and then depending on how that goes and how I'm feeling I might just call it a year for poker. I probably should spend the time after that thinking about how I'm going to stay motivated for 2012, because this could become a problem. Especially when I have no obvious exit strategy post-poker.
On a lighter note, I got into a conversation the other day about favourite X-factor auditions with a mate. His was Ant and Seb, mine was this beauty. Don't judge the judge.
